Gossiping Bitches, Tent Dwelling, and Adult Phone Consultants

Because I’m such a mouthy independent witch, the pet grooming job in Florida didn’t last but two months. I was out of my mind with misery. Wouldnt it figure that when I finally decided to work for someone else, that person ended up being a gossip monger. This woman talked about anyone and everyone, including her husband. I knew dirt on all the employees and their families. She would do it with them in the other room, or behind their back in the same room. Unlike her other employees I was close to her age and I suppose she thought I didn’t mind, until I told her I did. I told her, in front of her husband, that the gossip was horrible.and I didn’t feel as though I belonged there. I felt like an outsider.

If one can not be honest, one is not strong. I can’t work for someone whom I can’t respect and trust. Because of that uncomfortable situation, it made it even more difficult to deal with aggressive dogs when they would come in. In many groom shops dogs are held down, despite the risk, and FORCED to be groomed. This is NOT my way of dealing with animals. I prefer to take twice or three times as long and get the animals trust or send it home. My boss and I decided it best if I put in my two-week notice and go my separate way. Now I am setting up a Nite Flirt adult phone consultant line. Screw it, I’ll be an adult phone consultant. I have what it takes lol.

I am the type of woman who says what she means. I give credibility to the phrase ‘brutal honesty’. It easier to hurt you now than to explain why I lied to your face for months. I learned this lesson many many years ago after cheating on someone I deeply cared about. The cheat was not what hurt him, it was the lying. I learned a lesson that day, and taught my children if they tell the truth the punishment will be a fraction of what it will be if they lie. Gossiping behind someone’s back and laughing in their face is, in my opinion, lying. So much bullshit could be avoided if we tell people the problems we have with them. Especially if we break it down so they understand that we like them despite the flaws.

I was unsure of what city I wanted to live in when we got to Florida in June so we decided to take advantage of the beautiful county parks that cover this state. I’m a queen so of course I had to have the biggest tent I could find. I became a Glamper.

We started with a good-sized Ozark Trail 10 person tent Goddess Sadie loaned me. I have a 40 inch flat screen, a 30 inch flat screen, my desktop, my laptop, and two Xbox systems (one for me, one for him) plus my clothes, my toiletries, my books, my rice cooker and crockpot and my coffeemaker, a large table and metal drawers.

Before it was over I had a 20 foot tent with a 60 foot tarp over it to offer me a back porch and for more rain protection. I had large tropical print water-resistant woven mats outside the front and back, a charcoal and a gas grill, and a Yeti cooler. The tent itself took up the entire camp site. It was glorious. Campers would stop by and ask if they could take a look at our setup. It was truly something to be proud of. We enjoyed it so much. Making love under the stars, the wildlife, the sound of rain on the tent, being bad ass enough to camp in June, July and August in Florida heat….I could have kept it up all year if it were not for the mosquitoes and mold, whom are bigger cunts than I.

Eventually we opted for finding a tiny dwelling and moved into a quaint little place not far from pretty much everything.  It’s another day in Paradise…or would be. We’ve not had time to go to the beach. Can you believe that shit? Me either.

After leaving the grooming salon job I had to do a mobile grooming road tour, which included a week in Georgia. The car had transmission issues, my boyfriend has odd working hours, and I’m learning the ins and outs of trying to ‘work from home’ and make a living that does not include full-time grooming. Am I freaking out? A little.

I got my desktop worked on, bought all the necessary equipment, had a phone line installed, and the first thing I see when I go to sign up for the first legitimate company is that they do a complete background check. Uh-oh. I have a felony from 24 years ago and a misdemeanor from 9 years ago. I am not sure if I’ll pass. Crap! This situation leads me to the fail proof option of adult phone operator. I’ve done it before, over a decade ago. It was decent money, given I have low overhead, but a pedophile called me and I deleted my account. I’m going to make a go of it again. I really had SUCH a good time when I was doing it before.

Oh, it’s my birthday today! Happy birthday to me. I made black bean noodles and we are having thin mint ice cream.

Happy September Guys!

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Phoenix has been good to me

We arrived here on the 7th of May, I believe, and today is the 24th. I will be leaving on the 28th if all goes according to plan.

The tires are cracked and the brakes are squeeling. I’ve been doing in client home mobile grooming and that has provided my son and I with Grocery money and gas money. It also provided me with the awesome opportunity to see Sedona, which is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen and holds a lovely powerful vibration that rejuvinated me and charged me from within.

Almost everyone I’ve come in contact with, especially the pet owners of the dogs I’ve groomed, has begged me to stay.

I have to go to Georgia no matter what because all my things are there, my daughter is there, I have a grooming business there. But could I make things come together and move here? I have a job offer in Tampa florida. They are holding the position for me. Can I handle the humidity in Florida? I am uncertain. I love Tampa. My retreat “All World Acres” is there. My reiki master owns it and I go to as many events as time and money will allow. I always wanted to relocate there. But I know no one in the city.

I am torn between Tampa and Phoenix. Georgia I still love but I am drawn away from it like a straying lover.

I found the best Korean market I’ve ever been in here. Seoul Market, a little place but has pretty much everything H mart in Georgia has, just crammed packed on the shelves and on the floor. I was in heaven when I walked in. I thought, what is my excuse now? I have practically everything I need here. Sun, Friends, Opportunity, Sedona, and Korean Markets.

Been a long time…

I have not been on this site in a long time. It seems I’ve lived an entire lifetime since I last posted.

I had a bit of a nervous breakdown with mom being there with me.

I packed whatever I could get into my Nissan cube and I just left.

I tired starting my business up in the next county over but mom found out where I lived so I moved again.

That’s not the only reason but it’s one of many.

I have been living with some friends, renting a room and grooming in the garage.

I miss privacy

I miss being naked

I miss red bean buns

I miss my life

I do have a nice friend whom I see very regularly now. Didn’t think I’d ever date on a regular basis again and he’s BLONDE with BLUE eyes, if you can believe that.

I’ve got 6 months to save up to get us a place. It’s rained non stop in Georgia. Every day it rains I loose three hundred dollars. Cold hard truth. I have not paid a car payment in two months but the insurance and everything else is up to date. I am short on money. So very very short. But I am away from that crazy pill popping mother of mine even though I had to pretty much run for my life.

My sister is having her labor induced Sunday and mom will be there. I am too much of a coward to go up there. Or I am too wise. Either way,  I stay off facebook and it’s been quite a relief, not being at my family’s beck and call when it comes to mother. I gave her the better part of my life. I have done enough.

Its time for me to focus on MY daughter now and making sure she does not end up like mom. She needs my focus and support and a healthy place to live. I don’t know where that will be yet but I have faith something will come together. I get up every day, I wash my face and get dressed, and I go to work. That’s all a woman can do.

HERE’S ONE FOR THE NARCISSIST SPECIALISTS

Admittedly, I AM a Narcissistic little twit. It would be interesting to think that is all that is involved in my having to be exceedingly careful what I wish for.

In the past month I have been blogging in my fetish social media group how I love caretaking, how I miss it, and simply adore cooking for and feeding someone, cleaning them, etc. . I MEANT in  a romantic loving way! Because I was not specific enough mom falls from the sky and lands in my bedroom like the fucking witch in The Wizzard of Oz.

I’ve recently also spoken of my love of Asian men, I do have a bit of a fetish in my desire to recreate the intensity of my marriage with Ed where anything and everything was shared and nothing was taboo.

From the sky falls a black-eyed Asian, adorable lips, square chin, a bit shy and reserved and MARRIED.

AHEM

One would think when I went for my Master level in Reiki I’d be not only more prepared for the reality of be careful what you wish for….but I’d be more in tune with what it is I really need and want.

Ok God, send Mother back where she came from. I’ll take the married Asian If and only IF he suits my needs and purposes, makes me feel good and it’s a lovely mutual exchange that hurts NO one.

I believe in the power of marriage. It outlasts sexual deviancy if you allow it to. The whole monogamy thing is fairly new. I wont cast my pearls before swine, look it up yourself. Point being, there are reasons men have gone outside the marriage bed since the dawn of time and there are reasons why wifes are GLAD they do.

I happen to be one of the ones they run to. And I don’t want them for myself. I want my own husband. Not yours. Apparently I have to be VERY specific now being a Reiki Master EXACTLY what I want. I hate to do that though. Seems very much like cheating.

Here’s a rough draft

Of some sort of Asian descent so he’ll have those slanted black eyes that make me MELT

KInky, not more nor less than I. Is that even possible? I don’t want to know.

Someone who is able to come to me at least four times a month and one of those times needs to be at least 24 hours long.

Someone who is well read, intellectual, a deep thinker, but not in a Jeffrey Dahmer sort of way.

Someone who wants to be married for life, to share all of life’s freakery and not be afraid to really lay it out there with me. But it wont hurt anyone. See how I’m trying to add all the fine print?

Someone who is able to and wants to have traditional passionate sex with me to break up the monotony. Kissing is a must no matter what. He will brush his teeth and have a clean pleasant mouth. The teeth don’t have to be perfect. Mine are not. I just want to enjoy the kiss.

Someone who will not fall apart, attempt suicide or murder or leave me should I want to play outside the bedroom with someone else in a fetish way only. I could be vanilla sex faithful forever, but kink, I could not promise that.

NIce rough draft, I think.

Now that I’ve laid that out on the line, I conscience will my mother back to her side of Oz from whence she came!

Radical Acceptance

I was awoken by the phone at 5:30 in the morning yesterday by mom.

She asked if I’d come pick her up that morning when I did my puppy pickup in town.

One would think I would come up with an excuse, but I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say but ok.

I assumed she’d spend the day and want to go home by evening but she had three bags packed and waiting.

Taking everything in stride I accept the situation. DBT calls it radical acceptance, lol.

I’ve cooked for her and she’s pretty much been alright. It’s not easy watching someone go through detox cold turkey from opiates and psychotropics. She kept overdosing on her pain pills because she takes an entire monts worth in one week and then buys more off the street. Her clinic found out and cut her off, violation of narcotic agreement it’s called.

Yesterday I took the broth from the neckbones I’d been cooking and put some ginseng root in it, some thinly sliced radish, nappa cabbage, garlic, pieces of pork, and baby oyster mushroom. This morning I made porridge and had her drink some Odwalla superfood green juice. Some coconut and chai kiefer. She cant really take in solids yet but so far there’s color to her cheeks and she slept 7 hours last night.

I’m quite floored at what she’s taking herself through without an exact plan or goal. She’s just decided she should take the opportunity to clean out entirely so they can start her out with a fresh slate.

I don’t know if she will stay clean and stick only to what the doctors prescribe when she finds a new pain clinic to treat her. I know we have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow at 2. That’s all I can go on now.

I dont’ have anything eloquent to say this afternoon. There’s no pretty words to describe being numb so as to be in a state of radical acceptance. It is what it is. Don’t you hate that expression? But sometimes that expression is all one has in order to get by.

In the end we have to accept that the parents we have are simply humans who happened to give birth. I am sure my children feel the same way.

Bean Sprout Soup, Sigh

There’s not enough hours in the day.

I had the best morning. I woke up next to a warm fuzzy guy for the first time in months.

Yep guys, I went out with someone. I’ve seen him before, and being a glutton for punishment, he kept trying even after I said I wasn’t into it.

I’m glad I gave it a second go.

It went pretty damn well until I jumped up from a hot making out scene and went tearing through his room looking for his pants. He said “Why do you need my pants?” And I said “I’m looking for your belt” and he sat up and exclaimed “What? No!” and I laughed and explained to him I didn’t want to hit him, silly, I just wanted to wrap it around his wrists. This brought even more of a reaction “No! I’m good. No belt, ok?” And it was ok. I found out that I could have perfectly hot sex without tying someone up, down, or upside down.

NOT my ideal, but I took what was given, right? And I am grateful.

He has 3 jobs, is way to busy to just show up at my door, and he excuses pretty much everything I do or say because he thinks I’m crazy. It’s great. And he didn’t call me today. I LOVE that shit. He sent a video tonight via text of a band I’d never heard of. I love that kind of lack of communication that says so much more than a boring annoying phone call. I did not have time for romantic revisits of the previous night via phone.

I had to go get Mom out of the hospital. Her pain clinic cut her off because she was taking too much of her Roxi’s.

She had a whole month to find a new doctor but instead she decided to go through her months worth of Roxi’s and (I wont spell these right probably) nurontin, colonipin, soma and something else I forgot the name of. She partied like a rock star and two weeks later was out of everything. She was then left with the ordeal of having to explain to a new doctor why her blood would be so elevated with drugs and how she’s out of meds already. So she just hid under her covers and puked and shit on herself for a week. I was out of town visiting my daughter when my sister called asking me to take mom to the hospital. Thank God. And then I decided to spend the night with my friend. I could not face going back to my home town and having to choose whether to help Mom or not. So I went and got my Fuck on. Bad daughter, yes.

But I had a good time.

And he didn’t ask questions

And I was able to come home, unload my bags, go pick up Mom from the hospital and take her home without him calling me 10 times like some guys do.

I bought all the ingredients to make Black Bean Noodles tonight but by the time I got home and got things sorted out there was only time for Bean Sprout Soup. Quick, filling, easy, and cheap too.

I’ll have Black Bean Noodles Thursday.

SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH A STRANGER

There’s a woman I don’t know in my living room. It’s 12:06 am.

I’m exhausted from grooming all day. I’ve got 4 boarding dogs here also, which added extra activity to the day.

All week I’ve looked forward to my last grooming dog going home tonight so I could start cleaning. It’s been a super busy week so I’ve been unable to clean other than to just shop vac hair up and keep going. There is dog food everywhere from the dogs kicking their bowls over in their kennels. I need to do two sinks full of dishes. I need to clean the toilet and swiffer the entire bathroom free of dog hair which is in the cracks of the walls, on the light fixtures, etc. I was looking forward to doing all this and then taking a wonderful shower in my clean tub free of dog hair. And then someone knocked on my door at 9pm tonight about 10 minutes after my last grooming dog went home.

The guy next door asked a girl to come over but he was not home when she got there. She’s from another county about an hour away. She has no car and no phone. She paid her last 10 bucks to have someone bring her out here. It’s raining, and the neighbor is not home. She asked to use my phone to call him. I’ve met her once before so I decided to let her in. She called him and texted him and about an hour later he responded. He’s at a party high off his ass and is making no sense.

She’s upset and she’s crying and finally I calm her down. I tell her everything happens for a reason and sometimes our higher self intervenes and prevents us from being in a place where something might happen. She is rational now, yet obsessed with why he did what he did, what is he going to do now, when is he going to get someone to bring him back, how can she get a ride to where he is at…thank god my son has my car.

The guy next door is a jerk. That is an understatement. He’s a fucking asshole who beats dogs. I’ve been over at his place in the last three days doing reiki on his Pitt Bull and administering doses of tart cherry juice. The dog tore through the door screen and ran after someone walking up the street so my neighbor caught him and apparently held him down and punched him so hard in his back hip that it tore the muscle. The rear thigh muscle is so swollen and tender the dog can barely walk. Today his ankle swole up as well. He doesn’t have money to take the dog to the vet. The dog is mean and needs training but no matter what advice I give the guy he doesn’t take it, he just takes my free reiki and holistic medicine. This guy is the type of guy that makes a killer out of a puppy. Poor dog. The day I went over there to check him out for broken bones the dog  was growling at me and showing a bit of fang. I claimed his territory by staring him down and slowly backing him into the corner, then stood there talking calmly to his owner about the ‘accident’. Finally I was able to squat down next to the dog. His tail started wagging. After about 20 minutes I had checked him over and got him to open his big jaws for me to squirt a medicine dropper of tart cherry juice down his gullet and that’s all I could do. I left feeling helpless. I can’t call the cops or the pound because the dog is fear aggressive and once he bites he will be put down. Maybe it’s for the best? It’s not my call.

I worry for this girl. She is angry the guy isn’t here. I find a gentle way to suggest she may want to calm down before she talks to him because she does not know the circumstances of why he got stuck at that party. I can’t tell her I’m afraid he may hit her if she gets demanding and loud due to him letting her down. I can’t tell her that his punch is so hard it ripped the thick powerful muscle of a PittBull and I’m afraid of what that punch could do to her face. I can’t tell her that I can’t get involved in domestic situations because it hits too close to home. All I could do was ask her if she was hungry. She was. Desperately. I told her I all I had ready was Kimchi and rice and she said she did not know what that was but it sounded awesome. So I fed her, and she loved it. We had sliced Asian Pear and she took a picture of it with her phone for some reason. She told me alot about her life. Her mother killed herself when the girl was 17 and her life has been a downward spiral since then. She’s 21 and does not know what she is going to do. I tell her I did not start my life until I was 30 and she can do anything she wants to do.  I don’t have cable but I put on “The Host” DVD and came in here to smoke a cigarette and gather myself.

I want to take a shower and clean my house. I want to get naked and look at the library in Oyster. I want to write my daughter and pre address 10 envelopes so I’ll have them ready to rush the letters out to the mailbox. But I’m in here with this girl, and for whatever reason, I know in my heart this is where both of us are supposed to be.

DANCING NAKED WITH A RED BEAN BUN…AND WHY ILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE SINGLE

This should have been broke down into like 3 blogs but it just flowed out so fast, so take it like it is. LOL

I love Red Bean Buns almost as much as I love living alone.

I had an epiphany this morning as I caught myself dancing naked in the kitchen at 5 am SINGING “I saw the sign” holding up a plate of three little red bean buns in my hand. I’d just crawled out of bed, the dogs woke me up to let them out to pee. Habitually when I wake up every day I drag naked ass to the kitchen to put on the tea kettle and the rice cooker.

I don’t let myself think about those buns in the freezer for the most part. They can be expensive to be so little. I reserve them for a day that I honestly know I wont eat enough rice to waste cooking it. I have myself on a budget of no more than 350 dollars TOTAL for all groceries a month. That includes feeding my son as often as he comes by with his to go bowl and making about 8lbs Kimchi a month. OMG I’m always digressing. Sorry…

I put on the kettle, ran and let the dogs out before their insanely annoying barking pisses the neighbor off and he starts playing that music that has Nigga literally every fourth word, and I bounced happily back to the kitchen to start my kitchen piddling. I don’t even own dogs, but I’m always keeping one or two here for someone. I’m usually paid for it but it doesn’t cover the pain in my ass. Who the fuck wants to be up at 5 am on a vacation day. Ugh! I am angry at the dogs for waking me up three hours after I had laid down, but I decide to give them crisp pork skin that had browned up on the side of the slow cooker. I give them the little treat and go back to the kitchen. Their waking me up has given me an excuse to make RED BEAN BUNS. Da Da DAAAAAA!  I don’t want to wash rice and cook too much food. It’s my last day to recover before having to go back to work tomorrow.

The way I live breaks my mother’s heart. No one but my sister would get the gravity of that statement. Not much penetrates through the fog of my mother’s conscienceless to attempt to bother her. My sister just doesn’t visit because there’s not enough room for all of her children to stand or sit. The few clients uppity enough to have the balls to say something asked “WHY on God’s earth are you living HERE?” In three years I went from having TWO homes, a commercial location for my business, 12 acres with a lake and a two-story 5 bedroom home with a finished basement, a library, a game room complete with pool table and foosball. Dirt Bike and Horseback Riding Trail. Shall I go on? I worked from 7 am to about 7pm 7 days a week grooming and doing occasional Domina work until I would have a nervous breakdown, cancel my entire week and take my daughter off and spend thousands of dollars on her trying to make up for the fact that I am never available to just sit and listen to her one on one. I raised my children well in the end. They’ve had everything and they’ve had nothing and they, like I, realized that material possessions can blind us. The boys live frugally like I do and use their money to have enriching experiences instead of buying happiness.

Through Reiki I learned that having everything I could ever want gave me nothing.

My Reiki Master actually taught me nothing about how to live or what to do. He taught me Reiki, no more no less. Once you are attuned to Reiki, what your higher self needs to experience existence at its fullest will manifest itself into your life and you can accept it or reject it. It depends on how brave you are to take on yourself and the worlds perception of you. My best friend’s son-in-law did a Reiki treatment on my daughter at a pool party. She’d fractured it at school and it was bothering her. I wont bother to go too deeply into Reiki  in this post. I rarely cast my pearls before swine. Those of you who feel a spark by reading the words” Reiki changed my life”  can Wikipedia it and follow the yellow brick road, because that’s exactly what I did.

My life changed the day I was first attuned but it took about a month for the shit to hit the fan in order for my life to change the way I needed it to. This is called “The Healing Crisis”. I woke up one day, looked at the man I’d lived with for 6 years but never slept with and didn’t love, and said “I”m leaving” There wasn’t much he could do. I’d told him from day one I couldn’t love him. He lost his job and just never bothered to get another one because I made so much money. I didn’t respect him, I didn’t need all this stuff anymore, so I drove away in a small uhaul and gave it all to him. My daughter missed her motorcycle but that’s it. She had me.  All of a sudden all this material stuff became visible to me for what it was. A distraction from living. I’d lived out of a locker with no possessions for 9 years in Prison. When I got out I was hell-bent to buy happiness. If I wanted something by God I worked and bought it. That’s how it should be. I just wanted stuff more than I wanted self. My kids experienced an obsessively clean mother who came home from work and yelled a lot because I was trying to pack parenting into 3 hours before bed. I am so thankful they forgive me. We have the best relationship now, all three of us, in very unique ways. They are all so spiritual and intelligent. Now this is just me. I don’t care who you are or what you own or where you go and how you pad yourself from this existence to make it pleasurable. Do it dude. I like hanging out naked alone in a concrete block wall studio apartment burning incense and dancing naked in the kitchen because it’s red bean bun day.

It’s not all about being naked in the kitchen, I enjoy other things!

I love making Kimchi and cooking, writing, meditating, reading, drawing, walking around the streets with my boarding dogs, laughing at the looks on the people’s faces because I’m the only white woman in this neighborhood. I love grooming in whatever I feel like wearing that day because there’s no one to care, if I’m hot I’ll just groom with shorts and an apron and THATS ALL. My son keeps my car because unless I am driving to do the weekly mobile pet pick up or my once a month grocery shopping, I don’t go anywhere. Playing the occasional X box game with my kid, and being immediately available to them should they want to be here with me is important to me.  EXPERIENCING their energetic coming and going and LISTENING whenever they have anything to say is a gift. My youngest son and I watched the Spirit Science video series together and it was a beautiful experience. I literally only have $1,100. In living expenses before groceries, gas, cigarettes, sake, incense, and laundry. I easily spend under 1500 a month. Pure Bliss. I can fracture ribs and take a week off work and not worry about bills. I just ate leftover soup, rice, and Kimchi all week. How could I expect anyone to put up with that? People are such fucking cry babies. Last week a former submissive of mine was in town and wanted to visit with me. I warned her like 100 times that I am a different person from the one she last spent time with . She didn’t take me seriously I guess.  She literally ate NOTHING and drank only water the entire 24 hours she was here. She gagged every time I opened my Kimchi lock and lock container. She brought a bag for a week and left the next day starving to death and bored out of her mind. Bye Now! C U LTR. ROFLMAO People. I tell you. (Love you honey! We’ll work on that weak stomach of yours)

My three kids (25, 23, and 14) are my best friends.  My only real friends. The only ones I welcome wholeheartedly into my sacred space. My non blood related friends have slowly fallen by the wayside. When one no longer makes 400 dollars a day it is surprising how people suddenly have so much to do and are too busy to be bothered. I read who is dying and having a baby on Facebook. I couldn’t be happier for them. No, really. I don’t want anyone here anyway until I meet mister right, which is a long shot. I don’t like speaking that often. I find it difficult to take words from my mind and have them exit my mouth. I guess I’ve worked with dogs too much or I’ve meditated too much. My friends and sex partners when I have one get uncomfortable with my silences. When I am rambling like an idiot is one should worry. That means I am anxious around them, or I’ve crawled out of my hole and need to say everything very quickly because I want to get back home.

Sex and Marriage I have extremely strong sexual needs but can go months without it by meditating. When meditation isn’t working and I need a human, OK cupid and Fetlife did it for a while. I spent a little over a year with a very bad man trying to make it work because I needed so badly to have someone to take care of.  Turns out he was a drug addict so I, not liking to cast pearls before swine, up and left, leaving house and possessions behind. No regrets. After a few months of recovery I was so horny I resorted to online hookups.  I stopped all that serial dating back in September. I am so blissfully alone, and yet now I have had the desire to be married again. It is a shame I came to this realization at my age. I’m in no hurry to meet any particular person because it has to be the RIGHT one. I learned from the last relationship that just anyone who will have me is not deserving of me. The one I will into my existence will be recognized when I see him. .. or her.

I may be quite pretty for my age but I may be single forever. I just may never meet the right one because My standards are so hypocritically high in regards to education, intelligence, personal cleanliness, communication and vocabulary. He has to be a whiz AND put up with my weird sexual appetite AND give me Tantra AND accept that I sleep on the floor and eat fermented cabbage AND nothing I watch on television is in English. AND even though I’ve lost a ton of weight I have all this weird skin that doesn’t know where to go. I’m still one hot 43-year-old though, lol. Oh, and did I mention my colorful past? I bet he’d just love to introduce me to his family. Sigh. If I get caught up in something amazing like the book I’m into “The Subtle Body” I may go a week without cleaning or doing dishes or laundry. I would NEVER Do this if I had a husband to take care of, but I let things go when living alone.  Who would date me walking into this little messy cell of a house? When I was married and when my kids were home I kept a spotless house. Food was on the table like clockwork, clothes pressed, hung, bathrooms gleaming. I even did this for the man I did NOT love whom I lived with for 6 years. I’d work all day and still do laundry and clean. It’s in my nature. Who do I have to do that for now? I have better things to do since there is no one here but me to pamper. There are slaves lined up at the door wanting to clean for me. I once was totally willing but for some reason lately I am weird about letting people into my sacred space.

I expect an intelligent husband but am not secure in offering him the most intelligent wife. I have vast knowledge about concentrated subjects and zero knowledge about most things. LOL.  My once 140 IQ took a nosedive for some reason. The older I get the more I forget. I had quite a few head injuries in Prison, to put it mildly, so perhaps that’s it or perhaps it’s genetic. I quit school and ran away from home at 15 and started working at McDonald’s and got an apartment. I lived with Ed, my husband, there, until we got married and he went into the navy and I went home to moms. I was self-educated until I got locked up, where I got my GED and got into college when they still paid for that in GA. We actually were allowed to go to college provided we had proper security status. I majored in Physics in college and I’ve forgotten about 80% of it. So I have higher education and don’t even know much of the basics that Americans learn in high school. I learned what I needed to get by and studied what made me happy. I read a lot. I am an eternal scholar. I regret quitting school but I did what I had to do to survive childhood. So there’s that.

What do I have to offer someone? No one believes in or even desires traditional marriage with designated gender roles anymore. I may have a modern take on my sexuality but I am an old-fashioned traditionalist when it comes to marriage. To say all I have to offer a man is to be his housewife and sex slave (giggle, likely the other way around with the sex slave part)  is not offering much. But I have not given up hope. He will find me when the time is right. He will overlook the mess of this house and actually believe me when I tell him that I would never ever keep a marital home in this state of Candace Chaos. I will be God’s gift to him and he will know it. If it doesn’t happen, I’m actually cool with that…but I miss sex and hope he’s out there somewhere for God’s sake. LOL

Hookup sex just isn’t enough anymore. I used to pour through sex partners like tea in a Geisha house looking for someone on whom I can connect on a spiritual and energetic level while making love. I gave up, people. Fuck it. I just stopped dating. For some reason only guys in their 20’s ask me out. They only want one thing, and I wouldn’t marry a kid anyway. Xhamster and sites like that is probably why men don’t have it in them to desire to connect. I hope there is a man out there that is over 40, who meets all my requirements or at least most of them, and sees in me the diamond that I am. I was once coal, and now due to time and pressure I am a diamond. I will make an amazing wife if given someone deserving of my respect. I want to be married but when I do it this time it will be for life and I want and need someone whom I can respect enough to hand my life and body over to them with full trust. A dominatrix laying down her flogger for an apron is a powerful sacrifice, but one I am so willing and desire to take.

Until then, I have red bean buns, my computer, my kids, my wonderful messy little apartment, and grooming. I could have more. So much more. I could be financially where I was before in 6 months because I am good at grooming and I am a good actress and Domina work comes naturally to me. I don’t want all that. I choose to be here. I am happy, so in my 1,500 budget I can say I think I live larger than most because I am free.

The Rotten and the Sublime: A Reading List on Fermentation

Wonderful blog on Kimchi! The other articles are good too, but being someone who knows firsthand how much hard work goes into making Kimchi I really loved the detail and visuals of the history, the variety, and the culture behind this tangy sour heat infused crisp superfood.

Longreads

Fermented products occupy a strange spot in contemporary food culture, being at once some of the most enduring staples of our diets — and some of the most faddish. From the fizzy kick of kimchi to avant-garde culinary experimentation in Copenhagen, here are five stories about our fascination with (and, sure, addiction to) deliciously rotten food.

1. “Why Bakers Love Their Mothers.” (Dana Goodyear, Food & Wine, November 2013)

Some of the oldest sourdough starters, dubbed mothers — “the bubbling, breathing slick of wild yeast and Lactobacillus bacteria that feed on flour and water” — date from the 19th century and are passed, like a heirloom, from one generation to the next. In this piece, Goodyear lingers on the moving emotional connections bakers develop with the bacteria in their kitchens.

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Broken Rib Leftover Stew

Yesterday was a day from hell at work. On Sundays I groom in another city so some of my clients don’t have to drive so far. I just started this a month ago. It has potential but I’ve encountered many road blocks along the way.

The lady rented her basement out and assured me it was still ok to groom in the bathroom down there. But on my way there Sunday morning she told me it would be best to do it upstairs. I did not bring my grooming table because I use hers, and she was still asleep when I arrived, I had to groom the dogs on the bathroom counter. It’s a large one and I can hook them to the towel bar, so fine.

There is a huge jacuzzi in the bathroom. I wasn’t getting the light I needed so I climbed up and walked around the rim of the tub to open the curtain. I RAN back because I didnt want the little dog to jump down. I slipped and fell and cracked my back on the rim of the tub. Good times. Finished grooming the rest of the day despite the cracked ribs and all went well. I made 140 bucks. I came home from the hospital today and was starving. I probably wont want to cook while I take the next two days off because I hurt too badly to cook anything that would take a long time soooo

I took out some Pork Bone Broth from the freezer, threw it in a pot with 5 cups of water. Got out my Santoku knife and chopped up any vegetable that may go bad in the next three days, threw that in the pot. Grabbed a handfull of dried pollack fish from the pantry, threw that in the pot. I let it boil. I tasted it. Ick. Got a huge spoon of red pepper paste, watered it down, put that in the pot. Tasted it. Getting better. Grabbed the fish sauce, put a few spashes of that in there….PERFECTION

Daikon Radish, Orange Bell Pepper, Green Onions, Carrot, Bean Sprouts

Sounds nasty but I made it work. Upon digging in the fridge I found a huge pig foot I forgot I bought. Thank god I found it because it was pretty expensive as it supposedly came from a free range farm and fed a diet of non gmo foods etc.

I put that in the slow cooker with some Apple Cider Vinegar to make bone broth while I lie in bed and look at Hulu and try to recover before I go to work Thursday. I dread the hell out of that but Tis The Season to make Christmas Grooming Rush Cash before the January Grooming Lag. I will take time to be in pain in January.

So if you find yourself in a bind and dont have lots of time to cook, bone broth, red pepper paste and fish sauce can make almost anything taste better.