Kawthar

I think I know now why I cry when I pray

or why I can just be riding down the highway and hear the Quran recited on my music app and inexplicably feel the greatest grief and longing for something that I can’t possibly know

but in my soul I do in fact know. 

I am grieving for Allah. 

I need you 

 Just like a baby that is born

who comes out wailing  angry  and Confused that hes left your presence

that is what is happening with me.

I am distraught with grief and longing for you. 

When I came to Islam you drug me halfway home. Now I have to struggle with the rest of the path but I’m so lost. 

I am crying for you  Please please take my hand in this Darkness.

  I am so scared of myself.

The monsters arent in the woods or behind the bushes they’re in my heart.  How did they get there? where did they come from?  Are you going to let me in the door if they’re still inside of me?

  I’m so tired all the time,  I’m so tired.

   I grieve your presence.

The sort of grief that can only come for someone that you were completely and utterly in love with

so at some point I have been with you.. 

every fiber of my being is screaming in agony from the lack of your light. 

I am a flower born a little bud,  then I blossomed and now I’m wilting and Browning without your light. 

Allah would you please please take me home so I can see your beautiful face again?

Take me home so I can bloom for all eternity in the garden  beneath which rivers flow