This is one of those Candace word vomit posts.
I had a crazy day.
Found a bath tub chair for mom
Visited my dad’s grave.
Tried to groom Tammy’s elderly dogs.
One of them had an attack of some sort, rolling biting and his nose started bleeding, which is what happened to her when she tried grooming him… I was already a nervous wreck when I started. Driving to Covington is like driving through a childrens popup book of my past.
Seen a big picture on the wall of somone that I once loved that died suddenly… beneath it was this huge gorgeous battle ax.
I was suddenly flooded with memories and struggled to hold it together.
The emotionally unavailable brother of my best friend. From the age of 12 to 17 I thought I’d marry him and be a “real” part of the family but he couldn’t stand me. I married his friend Ed and suffered everyone’s disapproval for years. Now they’re both dead.
It’s an odd thing outliving everyone. Wishing they’d lived to see me finally turn out to be a decent human being worthy of a good marriage.
Despite being worthy I’m still alone. Alhamdulillah
I drove past the house I grew up in
and also the two houses I owned and sold.
Seen the “grandchildren” of banana trees I propagated.
Thats an emotional thing!
I dug up that banana tree and drug it with me through three moves until I decided just because I wont form roots doesn’t mean I should continuously uproot its attempts.
Dove past my Dads old place.
The gates were open and his business sign is still standing as though he just left and forgot to close to close the gates.
They sold it.
I wondered what happened to the bulldozers he spent a Half a century on?
One would think after selling a few bulldozers my stepmom could afford a few bags of gravel or a flower urn for his lackluster gravesite.
Last but not least I drove past the home where I was arrested.
Its huge and beautiful as always.
Lake glittering in the front,
I bet they got a great $ deal when they bought it.
I wondered if the owners know a pedophiles blood stains the boards in the bedroom floor and that hole in the front is from a teenager’s bullet?
All houses will be haunted in one way or another eventually.
Some more than others.
This type of day is why I can never stay long in this state.
Its heavy, like the humid air.
The further away I am the humidity and the memories thin away to a tolerable barely noticeable level.
I like Suwannee though.
It’s no where near Covington.
All the Korean billboards, doctors and stores trick one into believing they live in another country.
Its tolerable here.
My room mate seems to understand my introverted quiet ways.
I never feel like I have to fill the empty space up with words.
Anyway ..I seen my dads grave.
I don’t think I’ll be going back to that city again if I can help it.