I remember the smell of your hands after you worked like a dog all day, how rough and callous they became. I remember when you were in trouble how your face would reflect anger but your mouth would sigh as you said ‘yes maam’
I remember how excited you would get, your Crystal blue eyes wide with boyish wonder when a loud engine would pass by us. God you loved cars more than any boy I’d ever seen…
I loved how the little things mattered, how you said thank you often and genuinely meant it, how you loved buying your mother gifts but it was like pulling teeth to get you to call anyone. You introduced me to them with as much pride as if you were bringing home a Doctor, not a Dominatrix, and they were as sweet and welcoming as I ever could have hoped for.
I remember your scent of sweat after a long day in the woods, how your back smelt when rain dried by the sun on it, the smell off wood smoke in your curls, the sound of your sandals coming down the trail,.parting the palms and grasses, kicking off sand before you came through the door….how your tattoofelt under my fingertips, the outline of the Celtic cross that would bow out as the beast fought to rip free from your ribcage as I beat you, slamming into you with all my might, the deep demonic laugh as my floggers struck your back with a room stopping thud…the sequel of chains straining as I punched, slapped, pounded on your flesh….more….more is all you could say…..I could maneuver your limbs with the power of my.mind and will, as you lay bent over the wheel blindfolded and naked….trusting and not ashamed.
I remember how you would hand over your body, a blank canvas, the golden skin, the golden hairs, the ripple of muscle slowly stiff under the strike of my toys, how much your flesh could take before it broke, the purple black red pepper of blood against your asscheeks…the way you’d fall off the cross in a heap as though you’d been crucified….the fullness of the gift and the emptiness once it was removed .
I remember how you’d have me sit in the car like a queen as you set up the tent in the rain…and took down the tent in the rain month after sodden month…and how you kept a smile on your face despite the mold growing on the pillows, the walls, the mat, your favorite hat, nothing phased you. You quoted bicentennial man and served me with a smile despite the fact I drug you from my Victorian tea parties to a rain soaked jungle where mosquitos swarmed, ants and raccoons invaded and we lived out of a cooler. I’d never been happier in my life. Ever. .
Remember the genuine honest to God adoration as you would look up at me and exclaim ‘God I love You!’ Every single day…until one day. One day my.bites hurt rather than drove you to your knees. One day you ejaculated and did not say
God I love You
One day I woke up and my slave
Refused to remove his clothes when he got home
And it was then that I knew
You were moving on
It was the goddess
Not the woman
You were in love with
It took months to learn to breathe again
Months to hear a bell or smell leather
And not have the wind knocked out of me
The memories of scent and touch
Punched to the gut,
Rendering me numb and breathless
They wake up One day
And drop the ball….just walk away unscathed
Leaving one standing there clad in tight laced corset and ridiculously high heels, uncertain how I will ever get dressed
I inhale, and remember the breath play where you inhaled my.exhale and I yours
I look at my thin blue veins and remember the unlimited feasts at your throat, on our knees, rocking slowly to the rhythm of your heartbeat, my fangs deep, your blue blood coursing through.me becoming me, and I you, and for that moment time stopped
You returned to the land of vanilla, lance, but I changed you. You will never be the same.
You have sand embedded permanently in your skin and a Goddess flows with your boy blood. Who are you kidding, child.
You returned, but you can never leave.
I left my mark and it will never fade
You are branded
With blood and sand