LAZY ASS PET PARENTS

I hope this post will make you think twice when deciding what breed of puppy or dog to get when searching to fill that spot that a dog probably isn’t going to fill anyway.

Reasons NOT to get a dog

  1. You are famous for keeping up with the Jonses. The Jonses have a yorkie. You MUST have a yorkie! You don’t bother to google the breed, you hop on over to INBREDS R US and buy a yorkie. Because you didn’t research the breed you didn’t know toy dogs are hard to potty train. You can’t understand why it’s pissing all over the house while you are at work. It’s 3 months old now! You regret your decision because it’s so damn stupid. You buy a cage and leave it in there while you are gone 8 hours every day. You wind up with a dog who lays in piss all day and no one can stand to touch it. Because it smells like a sewer you are not close enough to see the ammonia is causing the eyes to run constantly. The dog has an inch thick brown scab under both eyes that bleeds every time the groomer bathes it. After the groomer hands you your dog everyone in the shop exclaims how little and cute your dog is. You walk out of Petsmart beaming with pride. For two days everyone loves the dog, until it pees on the floor again. God you hate that fucking dog! Back in the cage it goes.
  2.  You see Oprah on TV with a cocker spaniel. You MUST be like Oprah. You don’t bother to google the breed, you just grab your keys and head to the local skank backyard breeder and talk them down $100. You don’t ask questions,  You just want a cheap, expensive looking accessory you can walk around the park with your gigantic genuine fake Coach bag bouncing on your hip. You wind up with a fat 40 pound diabetic dog that you leave in the back yard because it smells like rotten milk and diapers.  You take it twice a year to get it shaved down and call it a day. Because you did not research the breed, you did not know that Cocker Spaniels need a high protein no grain diet due to allergies that cause their eyes to run constantly and their ears to stay infected and swollen from yeast. Because they scratch their ears, the yeast spreads to the feet causing them to swell. Now the dog doesnt like to walk. It lays around matted and stinking, rotting in the back yard. It eventually goes blind and deaf because if you’d known you were going to have to take the damn dog to the vet every other month, you would never have gotten the smelly bastard in the first place.
  3. Your sister in Florida got a shihtzu. You are so sick of your sister bragging about how playful and adorable her dog is.  You don’t bother to research the breed. You head over to craigslist and get what the lady (who conveniently doesn’t have the parents on site) tells you is a champion bloodline IMPERIAL shihtzu. She even has PAPERS. You plop down $800 and text your sister that you just paid $800 for an IMPERIAL shihtzu with PAPERS. Yay you! Your groomer tells you that your chihuahua mix is adorable. You are outraged that this woman can’t recognize a champion breed when she sees one. You tell her you have papers. The groomer apologizes, and they all laugh behind your back when you leave.
  4. You seen a bad ass celebrity with a Mastiff on television. You want a Mastiff so that you too can look like a bad ass. You hop on over to the flea market and buy a bull mastiff out of the back of a pickup truck. The guy in the baseball hat missing both front teeth tell you that they got all their shots and pedigree papers but they forgot them at home. you leave your phone number with them and never get that promised call. You wind up with a 130 lb Coonhound German Shepherd Mix who sheds all over the house so you keep it in the yard. It winds up with Hip dysplasia and a tendency to knock you off your feet as he takes off to follow a scent and chase the tires of a car passing by as he bounds away.

REASONS TO GET A DOG

  1. You and your partner sit down with the kids who have been begging for a family pet. You think of the pros and cons of having a pet and decide a dog would be best because you want a companion for the children, a protector for the house while you are asleep and at work, and you know the kids are old enough now to be responsible for helping bathe, feed, and walk it. You talk about these responsibilities. You talk about breeds. You all get a voice on what breeds you are interested in and you go to the library, the bookstore, or the all-knowing Google and research each breed. You look up puppy training, genetic traits, grooming needs and diet. You look at your budget and decide how much can go monthly into dog ownership and choose a pet insurance plan in case of the unexpected. You vote on a breed you all agree suits the needs and wants of the home and will become a part of the family, for better or worse, for hopefully the next 15 years. You look up reputable breeders who specialize in only one breed. The breeder will have both parents on the property. The breeder will have proof of at least three generations back genetic disorder testing and bloodline. You know from the research to look at the gums, the ears, the rear end, and the undercoat. The breeder has a shot record available for you with the name of the vet who has been treating them. You head home with a healthy puppy. It is now in your hands to train and love and keep him safe.
  2. Your family does all the above with the one exception that you agree that there are too many unwanted puppies in the world and you want to give an unwanted dog a new leash on life. You go to the pound and visit at least twice the dog you have chosen to bring home and make a part of your family. You have brought the kids, family cat and other dogs you may have to see how they interact. You realize this type of situation will take extra love and training because you dont know what kind of life this dog has had but you are willing to do what ever it takes to show him that he is not trash to throw away when you are done with him. If he poos on the carpet or eats your shoes or barks at the wall, you are willing to change your behaviours or get a trainer to help you work through the issues until they are finally resolved.
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