When I was 8 I heard a two songs that made me pitch a fit for my first album.
One made me feel powerful and one broke my heart, but I didn’t know why.
I’d listen to the album over and over and sing my little heart out.
The songs pulled from me emotions that I knew were to someday come and I was frightened yet intrigued by the pain that was in store.
Life warns us about stuff, ever realize that?
After Ed there was Prison
For 9 years I had more cold sex than love.
For 9 years love turned on it’s heels and ran for the border.
I don’t Pity Party. Trust Me, I made do.
I even had some truly remarkable romances that made me think I had love
But what can really replace love?
Can Sex? Power? Money?
I don’t know. I can’t remember anymore.
I’ve fought the real stuff for so long, keeping it in my Box with Ed’s hair and memories.
I miss that Rat-a-tat-tat at my heart’s door
And I’m freaked…really freaked that I may not be able to answer should it happen
Because Ed won’t let me.
I know this. He was my love, but He is dead, and that box has done me more harm than good.
His spirit has not cared who I fucked as long as my heart was in the box with his hair.
But I put it back in my chest recently
I let a man come over this week and kept my hair down trying to drown out Eds whispers
I love you I love you damnit Hello Hello
I cooked for him
And Ed raged
I kissed him
And Ed bled
“Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it, cause it took so long to bake it, and I’ll never have that recipe again.”
I’ll never have that recipe again