I found myself  frightening the neighbor enough to make her run inside this morning.

We have to laugh at ourselves as we age guys. What’s the point of being depressed about it.  Instead of being angry I get tickled. And apparently my joy is a horrific thing to an outsider looking in

I have insomnia.  I’ll be up for days on end and then come crashing down, sick as a dog. .

I and two of my children have ADHD but the medications for that make us so sleepy we can’t function. Adderall will have my daughter knocked out and drooling in an hour. It was the only medication ever perscribed to her that actually did what it was supposed to do, but I rarely gave it to her because I couldn’t keep her awake for class.  When I was younger, 2 or 4 hours sleep was enough to rejuvenate my brain for another day or two.  After 40 it’s become a thing I am pretty sure is killing me.

I have no appetite at all, just this awesome energy that makes me SUPER creative.  The stuff that comes out of that wakefulness brain acts like a bull who has sat around for months waiting to burst from the gates of my brain.

I write.  I come up with marketing ideas for my company that always work out brilliantly. I write thesis statement after thesis statement on economy, education, tax reformation, prison and parole reformation, taking prison industry jobs and giving them back to the american tax paying citizen and using those prisoner hours to actually teach them what their responsibility is to be a free citizen and then give them the tools to follow through.

The art that comes out during that time is a fleeting thing. I can try to be available to it and reap the benefits of giving it a medium or it will be gone and I will only have faint shadows of the ideas that just yesterday were so powerful. It’s happening as I write. My vocabulary is dumbing down. Oh well. It was fun. I’ll have to go back and read all that I posted in the past three days I’ve been awake and see what an ass I’ve made of myself.

Back to the story of scaring the neighbor

After a  4 day wakefulness period when I crash and finally wake up I can barely breathe because of coughing. It feels like the insides of my lungs are dry as a desert and every little inhale leads to coughing fits.  I can barely walk or hold my chopsticks because of the muscle tremors. My eyeballs do this weird thing where they move back and forth ever so slightly so its hard to focus. That’s what happened this morning

I finally crashed around 5 am from what I think was a 4 day wakefulness period. Today I slept from 5 to a little after 11. I did NOT want to wake up but I am supposed to have a date tonight for the first time in months.

I got up to walk the dog. I made a quick cup of coffee and threw on a coat, coughing my brains out all the way. We get outside and the neighbor across the street is sitting on her front porch talking on the phone. I raise my cup to her and say Good Morning!  I tell the dog to hurry go Potty. I’m freezing.

I take a sip of coffee forgetting to be careful inhaling and it leads me into a coughing fit in which I double over, the coffee spewing out of my mouth. The neighbor thinks I’m puking. I just cough and cough and my glasses fell off my face and landed in the coffee. The lady across the street thinks my glasses just fell in puke. She watches me pick them up and put them back on my face. I hear “Oh my GAWD” She jumps up and runs inside. This is the best day ever. That shit was AWESOME!   I am standing in my NIGHTGOWN, with flip-flops on, and a very expensive cream leather jacket with a fox fur-lined hood, hot pink hair standing all over my head in fucking December in the front yard in the heart of the hood, frightening the neighbors. If you’d seen where I was standing in December two years ago you wouldnt believe it was the same person.

I laugh which throws me into another coughing fit. The dog stares at me indifferently as she takes a shit.

I’ve only been blogging for about two weeks I think, but it feels really good to have some unknown someone to share these precious moments with.

I canceled the date because this one is going to take me at least 2 days to recover from. He’s going to be coming here. We are going to watch Malificient because I’ve been anxious to see it. I told him under no circumstances under the sun am I going to have sex with him and to prove my point I am not going to shave. It’s a Sampson thing. ROFLMFAOslappingtheground  As long as it is there I am protected and strong. Once it comes off I am subject to the idiocy of my estrogen clock telling my brain to spit out another baby before it’s too late. Our brains have no idea we had our tubes cut tied and burned. It just knows it wants dick NOW so it can have a baby to nurse “NOW hurry hurry hurry, you dried up old bat, there’s not much time left!” That’s what my bio clock tells me.

I crack myself up this morning.

I gotta get off this confessional box and clean the house. A real human is coming over. I’m gong to let him in the front door and am not even going  to make him beg.


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