I got hurt on the job last week and had to go to the hospital for xrays. I was in the waiting room forever, people dying from the Plague all around me. On my left was a woman who kept jumping up to run to the bathroom. On my right was a full-grown man lying in his wife’s lap moaning and groaning, face beet red. The panic rose in my throat until I finally left, totally freaked out. A few hours later the hospital calls me to see why I left. When I told her I didn’t want to catch the plague waiting for an xray she laughed her butt off. I can’t imagine how people who work in hospitals stay healthy. Anyway she talked me into coming in the following morning to make sure there was no organ damage and to get some steroids at least.

Fears love to manifest themselves. I caught the Plague.

Here it is, the single most profitable week other than Easter in the grooming industry, and I am having to cancel appointments. Some of my clients were rude as hell and demanded to know when I’d be back to work. Some were thankful I was not going to spread the Holiday cheer by giving my bug to them. In both cases I’d hang the phone up totally humiliated. Due to my low expenditures I can afford this but the shame of leaving people with their dog looking like a Komondor for their family and friends to tsk tsk tsk at is weighing heavy on me. Between the money loss and the shame I am bummed. I also feel like someone snuck in my house and kicked me with steel toed boots on.

Thank God for True Vitality protein Mix. When all else fails, drink up. Tastes like grass and sand but at least it has all the vitamins and minerals I need to keep my immune system functioning well enough to fight off this bug since I have no appetite.  Once you get past the taste, you feel better after drinking it.


I don’t really care that it’s Christmas. Holidays are not a big deal to me and I find them tedious in fact. I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer. I even felt uncomfortable with them when I was a kid. Despite the hell he and my mother went through my dad worked his ass off to provide. He left before dawn he got home after dark. He tried to make up for things by spoiling me rotten. I  expected my birthday and Christmas to be given things I really didn’t deserve or need at all. I specifically remember sitting down to open presents and always feeling embarrassed as whoever the giver was watched me. I carefully removed the tape and unwrapped it trying to not tear the paper just to prove some sort of point. I was nervous on how to react whether I liked the present or not. HOWEVER, I totally dug the Santa Claus thing!  I got up before dawn and there was no one there to see the way I would Tasmanian Devil through the living room ripping off paper and throwing presents to the side to open another one….when people are alone their true nature shows and I was a greedy little American kid just like all the rest. I just didn’t want anyone to witness it I guess. As an adult I still get anxiety when given presents. I have no logical explanation for this. Dont’ buy me one. And if you can’t resist, don’t wrap it.


The whole mandatory gift giving thing is so absurd. People seem to enjoy presents from me on a deeper level when I just randomly say “Hey I seen this and thought of you”. And it feels damn good to do it. I do it all the time throughout the year. When they came out with the cell phone wallet I got every woman I was close to one because I thought it was a genius idea and it would make their lives so much easier. That’s what gift giving should be. My son showed up with a McDonalds breakfast this morning because he knew I wouldn’t be able to cook. Why on earth he thought I would eat that I have no idea but I would NEVER hurt his feelings by saying so. The fact that he did it was so touching. That McDonalds bag meant more to me than anything that someone could give me at Christmas. And I don’t consume fast food. It was the thought that was the gift.


I think that spending bill money to buy heaps of presents for children that already have no space for another single useless plastic piece of shit that runs on batteries is one of the oddest things our culture practices. Buying something someone NEEDS is one thing. Trying to keep up with some quota society puts on us as parents, relatives and friends is another. Why should someone’s level of caring be based on how much you can spend? I detest Valentines day when I am with someone. They know NOT to get me anything but a card. I can think of a thousand romantic things we can do together with that money, don’t buy me chocolate. Let’s go find a private place in the woods by a stream, throw down several quilts, and make love.  That’s romance. It’s not named Russel Stover or Whitman’s.


Thanksgiving has nothing to do with presents but why we can hold our heads up while celebrating a massacre and not talk about it is to deny History. There can be a pointless back and fourth debate on why there was so much bloodshed when we arrived here and decided to plop our asses down and claim it our home. Have the debate somewhere else. The facts are Thanksgiving is an opportunity today to be with your loved ones and hog out together. Or in my opinion, to be forced to be around people you can’t stand and put all that aside for one day while you all get food poisoning together because your step mom was drunk while making the Macaroni …again. But no one wants to hurt dads feelings by not eating his wifes food. ROFL true story. Here is a link to a Native American’s blog where he gives the true history of Thanksgiving and suggests ways to present it to young people. My link button is not working.


What’s left? Easter? I categorize it with Thanksgiving. It’s one of the craziest things we expect kids to believe and they do. Kids are awesome. A magical rabbit travels the world bringing baskets of candy to hide in your house. And tomorrow you will boil eggs or buy nasty stale weird candy coated marshmallowy thingies wrapped in plastic.  You take that basket, dump it in the middle of the floor probably, and go outside and hunt the eggs your parents have hidden. You will fart sulfuric acid for two days because the boiled eggs have been through hell before they made it to your mouth. Your parents will be mad that you wont eat Easter dinner because you are not hungry after eating a massive chocolate rabbit and 10 nasty stale candy coated marshmallow thingies. You have to get dressed up in a suit but pretty much no one goes to church. You dress up just because you’re supposed to. Why? Because we are celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ.


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