So after crying for an hour this morning on the edge of my bed after watching the final episode of Autumn In My Heart I took the boarding dogs out to walk and went back to bed with an album of Ed’s pictures and letters to have a Poor Me Pity Party, I have not had one in a while so it’s long overdue. No dogs to groom today and it’s chilly outside and hell, I deserve to lie in bed today and feel sorry for myself and talk to a man who’s been dead for 19 years. It’s almost January, you see, and everything majorly good and bad happened in January. It’s like Hell month. I met Ed in January, we got married in January, I committed my crime in January, Ed killed himself in January, and I was released from Prison in January. I dread it coming every year.
Autumn in my heart was some serious drama. I’ve never seen anything like it. All the K Dramas I’ve watched I’ve liked, the music is the only thing that gets on my nerves because they try to set the scene by certain music and it’s repetitive and predictable but other than that, the story lines are addictive the acting is incredible. I just prefer it over English television. That season finale of Autumn in my Heart though, dear God I wasnt prepared for that at all. So yep, I spent the day in my nightgown.
I did get up and cook though because my son is coming to bring my car back tonight so I wanted to have something delicious to send home to him and his friend, girlfriend, room mate, whatever she is to him.
I made Jajangmyeon (Thick Noodles with a chunky sauce) and instead of using the standard Chicken Stock I used this bone broth I made from Venison bones. The rice wine in the recipe cut the gamey flavor so it worked out ok. I rarely drink but today calls for a pity party celebration so I opened a bottle of Deodeok Makgeolli and it’s NOT as good as other’s I’ve tried, so lesson learned. Don’t buy it if you can’t read the label. I don’t know what I was expecting for under 4 bucks lol.
After eating, I feel better. Black Bean Noodles, or MINE, anyway, are serious comfort food.
I put the cards, letters, and photographs away and told Ed we’d talk again sometime soon. I’m not cray folks. I just miss my husband and more than my fair share of lovers didn’t cure that, so I’m 43 and happily alone.
I took a shower and tried to get more of the pink out of my hair because it got way too bright this last time, I listened to some Black Keys and Marilyn Manson and cleaned the house. I don’t feel the same when I listen to Manson, which is a good thing. I think I’ve outgrown him. I only initially liked him anyway because he reminded me of Ed in his style, tall black-haired skinny self and his lyrics are reminiscent of Ed’s poetry. I’m not 25 anymore, and that’ s putting it mildly. The Black Keys didn’t do it for me tonight either. Five Finger Death punch, yep. That is what did it for me. And now it’s 9pm and I’m ready to start my day.
Here’s a Black Bean Noodle Recipe that’s as close to what I do as possible